Getting out of the friend-zone - PUA Core change

Getting out of the friend-zone. – Core Change 101

Paint this picture: You’re hanging out with a girl a lot, watching film after film, maybe even holding her hand. She’s getting more and more comfortable around you, and things seem to be going well. You haven’t kissed her, but you’re an old-fashioned guy, so you’ll wait till the third date. At the end of the third date, you’re sitting on your couch, and you tell her: “I really like you”, she responds: “Aww, I like you to!” Your heart starts pounding, you’re going in for the kiss, but right before you reach her luscious lips, she pushes you away, saying: “I really like you as a friend, I wouldn’t want to do anything to ruin that.” Access denied!

I get a lot of e-mails about the infamous friend-zone, about 3 mails a day ask me how to get out of it. So here it is, the way to get out of the friend-zone and into the no pants-zone!

Getting out of the friend-zone - PUA Core change

The paradox of the friend-zone.

To get out of the friend-zone, first you need to realize there is no friend-zone. You’re putting yourself into a frame of being a friend, so everything you do, she will consider to be friendly, but not sexy. You’re in the friend-frame. A zone is something you really can’t get out of, a frame is something you can change.

Is it possible to get out of the friend-zone?

As it’s not a zone, but a frame, YES, it is possible. The problem though, is that it’s very difficult to change a frame, it takes up lots of time. So the best thing to do is get over your one-itis (read PUA-definitions), and just go for a next target. If you still want to get out of the friend-frame with this one special little lady, it’s only possible to do so if you are willing to lose her as a friend. If you don’t want to lose her as friend, you’ve set the friend-frame yourself, and you’ll stay in that frame. So you make the choice, is the possibility of getting into her pants worth losing her as a friend, or not?

YES, tell me how to do it!

To get out of the friend-frame, you need to stop letting her think of you as a friend, that means that you need to stop being a friend, an don’t think of her as one. For women, friendship is comfort, relationships are about excitement, so to change the frame,  you need to take away the comfort. Stop chatting with her, stop calling her, and be aloof. Don’t be afraid to ignore some of her texts or messages. Don’t completely ignore her though, she’ll forget about you in a few days. Just feign disinterest in her. If she doesn’t contact you at all, that means she didn’t think about you as a friend in the first place, so you shouldn’t worry about it at all.

Ignore her? Really?

To a man this may seem counter-intuitive, because for men, friendship is a stepping stone to more. For women, friendships and relationships are an entirely different thing. If you’re in a friend-frame, you need to give her time to get over said frame. You need to take away the comfort and security she has of you always being there.

OK, then what?

In the minimum of two weeks you don’t speak, change something about your life, get a new car, get a new haircut or get new clothes for example. So that when you re-meet her, something about you seems different to her. If you’re still precisely the same guy she left two weeks ago, she’ll friend-frame you once again!

How do I meet her again?

It all depends, if you played the disinterest correctly, she’ll keep on contacting you, and you can just accept to meet her. If you didn’t, you’ll have to wait till an opportunity arises to meet her casually. If the opportunity doesn’t arise within a month, just text her: “sup?” Keep on feigning disinterest if you’re going to ask for a meeting, just text: “we should catch up.” Don’t go to a one on one setting, go to a café or something.

What do I do when I meet her again?

This one depends on how the previous weeks have gone, if she contacted you, you need to be clear about your intent, show her that you want her by constant kino-ing (read PUA-definitions), show her that you want to have sex with her, not by saying so, but by doing so. Make sure that during the entire night, at least one part of your body is touching hers. This can be a hand, a leg or whatever, but don’t remove contact. If she removes contact, pull away and be aloof and uninterested again. If you contacted her, start by disinterest and then when she’s trying for rapport, start showing intent.

If you met up in another setting, with other people there, sit next to her and talk to the other people, while you’re talking to the other people, gently put your hand on her back and start moving it around. Don’t look at her, don’t look at what’s happening, just keep on talking with the other people. This will arouse her immensely!

And then?

If you played it correctly, she won’t leave until you do, when you leave, grab her hand or her waist, once outside and out of sight for the rest of the group. Pull her towards you, look into her eyes and softly say: “I’ve missed you”, then kiss her passionately. If you did everything correctly, she won’t shy away again.

I think you guys know how to take it from there!

Getting out of the friend-zone


Next up: The way to kino-escalate!


1 Comment


  1. A shocking truth about women and sex – Feminine Mind 101 | Actual Core

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